It's Never Too Late...

In light of so many celebrities and non-celebrities who have passed away recently I wonder what people will remember most about them when they reflect back on their lives. Do their good deeds, charity, talents, and compassion outweigh any negative they may be attributed to them? In life we all go through different stages. At times we may be happy, giving, loving, loyal and at other times not so much. When I think about the legacy that I will leave behind I want it to be one where my good far outweighs my bad. No one is perfect, we are all faced with trials and tribulations in this life, and in spite of it all, we all have the ability to decide how much we are willing to love, to care, and to give. I must admit I haven't always been the most positive person. I’ve had rough patches, been sad, and down, and unfortunately that may have been reflected in the way I treated or was seen by others. Knowing this about myself I have made a sincere effort to make personal changes..changes for the better, because when it's all said and done, I want to be known as someone who gave to others in whatever way possible, not someone who depleted their happiness with my issues (yes! this can happen). So I choose to live life to the fullest, helping myself and others along the way. I personally believe that it's never too late to make a change, to make a difference, to think positive rather than negative, to give instead of take...

So how will you be remembered..

I will leave you with a quote from a movie that I watched recently that really gave me something to think about when I heard it, I hope it does the same for you.. "I hope that you've lived a life that you're proud of and if not that you have the strength to start over"....

It's Never Too Late..

My Pen and My Paper..

Writing has always been therapeutic for me. Since I was a little girl I've written poems, short stories, thoughts, dreams, goals and more. To me, it's one of the most beautiful forms of self-expression. I've always been careful with what I write, keeping it mostly to myself, guarding it from the rest of the world. Well, I'm attempting to branch out just a little now with this blog. Although I have a few posts that I've published here so far, I've only invited one friend to read. Well today I'll extend myself a little further and invite a few more. I plan to be more consistent with my postings and we'll see how this thing goes. I'm attempting to let down my guard just a little and open myself up.. Here I go..

Lasting Impressions...

About a year or so ago I joined facebook based on a recommendation from a friend who thought it was one of the easiest ways he had come across to stay in contact with current friends and to link up with old ones. It sounded pretty cool so I jumped on it. So far I've had nothing but good experiences.. I've had the chance to stay up to date with what all my good homies are doing and have reconnected with some people from my past who were near and dear to me. It's been great to see how so many of my friends from high school and beyond have blossomed into positive, productive, and professional beings.

A few days ago I got a friend request from a guy I went to elementary school with. Initially I looked at his profile picture and thought, I don't know him, and then looked at his name and thought ooooohhhhh I remember now. We weren't the tightest of the tight but he was cool peoples. I accepted his friend request and had intentions on sending him a "hey, how ya doing" but hadn't gotten around to it before he sent me a message. His message thanked me for accepting him as a friend and he went on to say that he had to have me as a friend because he had heard my name "just about everyday" (I'm sure it wasn't that much) from childhood to adulthood. He says that a mutual friend from school "never ever" stopped talking about me. He says "it was like you were Laura Winslow and he was Steve Erkle", now that was hilarious. He says "as I look back over life it's just one of those things that you first grin and then smile about". WOW!! I wasn't expecting that.

I messaged him back and told him that I thought that was really funny. I really didn't know what else to say about his comments except to ask if he still maintained contact with the mutual friend. I sent the message and for some reason I kept trying to remember the last time I'd talked to "Steve" (LOL) and if I was kind to him the last time we talked. See, we had a lil puppy love type thing going on in 5th grade or so, but in 6th grade I changed schools and we lost frequent contact. I remember that he would call me from time to time, but I have to admit that I don't remember if I was always the kindest when he did. Pre-teen/teen girls can be harsh at times, well at least I was, I had moved on and met new people and was doing new things. Throughout middle and high school he would call on occasion just to touch bases. To think about it, I also remember by brother telling me that he saw him a while back and that he asked about me.

Anywho, I get another message this morning that says that "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but "Steve" passed away about three years back"..My heart sank. He continues by saying that "that's why it was so important to me that I added you as a friend..because he spoke so highly of you". He says "I haven't seen you since grade school, but me and everybody else knows who you are thanks to "Steve". He was your biggest fan" WHAT?!? WOW!! I was stunned, First, I couldn't believe that he had passed and two that he had thought about me for so many years. Me..really..wow!!

I find myself being overly emotional these days, but this whole thing really touched me. I thought to myself that maybe I had begun contemplating whether or not I had been nice to him the last time we had contact because I could sense something in this whole situation. I only went to school with "Steve" for two years in 4th and 5th grades and he "never ever" stopped talking about me, so his friend says.

I am reminded through this experience about the importance of being kind and compassionate to others, you just never know what kind of impression you may make on them.. This situation will be with me for awhile, and I have really learned so much from it. I am saddened by the loss, but vow to soften my heart to all those I come in contact with no matter what the situation. You just never know what kind of lasting impression you may make...

RIP....

Spread your wings and fly...

Anyone who knows me as a mother knows that I am extremely protective of my children. They are hardly ever away from me except for the occasional overnight stay with the grandparents and of course school and social activities like football, marital arts or dance classes, otherwise it’s me and them (or their dad of course). Not quite sure how I became this kind of mom but I guess I just want to protect them from all the craziness of the world and be there when they need me being the “best mom” I can be (whatever that is). Anyway when thinking back about my own childhood I’ve realized that my son who recently turned 10 (just this past Monday actually) doesn’t do half of the things I did at his age. He is chauffeured to and from school and any other activity and usually relies on me for almost anything he needs. By age 10 I was getting myself up, dressed, feed before school, and to school, I was practically handling my business, but my son is so much different. I wonder if sometimes I’m playing him too close..not allowing him the independence that he’s due. Can overprotection sometimes be a hindrance? So yesterday we’re hanging out together after dinner and the kids and I start talking about snacks we had a taste for. Out of nowhere I say hey why don’t you go to the store and pick up some things for us (did I just say that..that was really just a joke..really). He jumped at the chance..”sure Mom, I can do it, let me go”. After debating back and forth about whether or not he had to take his younger sister (she’ll be 6 in July) their dad and I decided to let them go. They would only have to cross three streets to get there (even though in my mind it seemed like miles) and we’ve been over the “look both ways first before crossing the street” talk a million times. Ok this was a huge step for them and me.. So we discuss what to get, how much money he should spend, to hold his sister’s hand when crossing the street, not to talk to strangers etc etc etc… I equip him with my cell phone and send them on their way. Of course the whole time they were gone I’m wondering if I should jump in the car and follow them, but with the help of my hubby I was able maintain my composure (he distracted me by talking about how much we used to do on our own at our sons age and younger). They arrive back home safely about 15 minutes later with everything they were supposed to get and he even presented me with the change. Ahh a sigh of relief. I realized that I really need to let go just a little bit and let these kids blossom, I don’t want my son or my daughter to grow up and not know how to survive on their own or be so spoiled they refuse to do anything for themselves. I know these streets are mean..this is Philadelphia, but I don’t want them to be completely sheltered (although that would hardly be the case.. I am still their mother). My son was so proud that I gave him that itsty bitsy bit of freedom and said to me as he was getting out of the car when I dropped him off to school this morning “See Mom..now you know I can walk to the store on my own”..these simple words were all I needed to hear, he is growing up and I need to allow him to spread his wings and fly!!!

The Cosby Show..Celebrating 25 years

The Cosby Show is by far one of the best sitcoms ever to be shown on television. It's depiction of the Black family was an inspiration to all who watched. I can remember being a little girl and tuning in every Thursday night to see what would be new with the tv family I loved and now I watch the syndicated episodes with my own children sharing the same smiles and laughter that I did when watching it with my Mom and siblings so many years before. It's funny thinking back because I don't quite remember what I gained from viewing the episodes as a youngster, but I do know that I gain a huge amount watching it now. The Huxtables inspire me to be a better parent and spouse, they were so involved with their children, truly caring for and loving them yet would never hesitate to keep it all the way real! Cliff and Claire showed a black love that isn't often depicted on today's shows, they were compassionate and understanding yet playful and silly, they would relax after long days together, cuddle to music and massage each other's feet, I did and still do enjoy seeing them interact. This family with five children and parents who were a lawyer and physician showed that Black families can be more that what they are stereotyped to be..they can achieve their dreams and help their children get there too. I am so happy that this show continues to be shown and tune in with my family every chance I get. Yes..it's just television but it's good television and it may be the only display of a supportive black family that some black children and adults get to see.

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Shine..

Music and I have a wonderful relationship, for me, music is like that big sister that you go to for support about everything from a broken heart to a new job. Me and music are tight. Any who I've been hearing this song lately with a really funky sound..just reminds me of summertime but I didn't recognize the voice of the songstress and always seem to miss her name and the title of the song when it comes on. So this morning, after blasting the song when it was played on one of my favorite morning shows, I decide to google a few of the lyrics. I search "from my heart to yours" and I find it!! Her name is Laura Izibor, cool.. so I pull up you tube and type her name into the search and up pops the song I've been grooving to the last couple of days and a few others. Great!! This one song in particular catches my eye, it's called "Shine" ok..so I play the video, and I love it. It's almost like it was made to be posted on this blog. I tend to look for inspiration any and ever where and this song will be added to be collection of pick me ups. Check out the song and groove with me..

I DID IT!!

Well.. It's been exactly one year since my first post (even though that post was actually written in March..but any who) and quite a bit was happened since then. Yes..I followed through with my graduate school application and guess what? I was accepted.. I got my application in just in time to meet the deadline for acceptance into the advanced course curriculum which meant that I could graduate within 10 months. In July 2008 I began the Master's of Social Work graduate program at Temple University. Oh wait.. Did I mention that I also decided to resign from the job that was driving me insane.. well I did! I used up every bit of my personal, annual, and sick time, and left out of there with no regrets. My family did have to make some lifestyle changes, however it was nothing we couldn't handle..I must say that my husband and kids have been extremely supportive and I have been very thankful for that. So there I was..29 years old, a wife, and a mother of two and I was going back to school full time (I turned the big 30 in March..will blog about that later). Needless to say, school whipped my behind!! I'm not sure why I thought it would be easy, especially since I hadn't been to school in five years, but through it all I managed to kick butt. I got straight A's my first two semesters (yes some were actually A-'s but who cares an A is an A). And I am now I'm patiently awaiting the grades from my last and final semester. I have struggled through this program..I've had high highs, low lows, sleepless nights, drowsy mornings..but I'VE MADE IT!! They say nothing worth having comes easy, and I can attest to that, but I'm following my dreams, and I'm at the start of the path that is going to get me exactly where I want to be. My grades will be released on May 13th and graduation is May 14th so stay tuned for more updates.

Positive thinking and motivation have helped me through this process..so before I go let me leave you with this..

live with intention.
walk to the edge.
listen hard.
play with abandon.
laugh.
choose with no regret.
continue to learn.
appreciate your friends.
do what you love.
live as if this is all there is.
-mary anne redmacher

Are you following your dreams? If not..I hope that this will serve as some motivation..until next time!!